Fast forward one year and now we have “Eagle Dad”.

According to his father, the boy was born with health problems and he wants to toughen his son to achieve. While visiting New York City during the Chinese New Year, he and his wife forced their son to run in the freezing weather in the outfit you see above. They repeatedly tell him to lie down in the snow as he cries and begs to be picked up.

The video can be difficult to watch as you witness a helpless child suffering.

I understand the father’s drive, but find great fault in his method. Most families in China are limited to one child and they are very concerned with the child’s development and success. Unfortunately he seems to have ignored the idea that balance should be achieved between climbing a mountain and jumping off its cliffs.

Where do you think he went wrong? Do you think he and his wife are doing the right thing to prepare their son for a challenging world? Share your thoughts below.

Recently, B mentioned to A that TIME magazine just published an article titled, “Why Spanking Doesn’t Work“. Knowing full well the other guy was okay with spanking, he was fairly confident this would provoke a reaction. It did.

“Well, I know it does work,” replied A.

This quickly spiraled downward into a debate about the legal and emotional issues of physical violence and what lessons it may actually teach a child. But those issues are discussed ad nauseum in any conversation about spanking. The part I enjoyed most was the  exploration of parental failure. Was the spanking of a child more symbolic of parental failure or a disciplinary measure to correct the behavior of a child?

A third guy, “C”, joined the conversation and said that some kids “just need to be spanked”. “They are out of control – like when a kid is screaming in a store,” C said. It was at this point the issue of parental failure was raised. Could the parent do something to stop the situation other than hit their child? No parent in the world can stop a child from crying for their entire life so let’s forget that whole idea. But how many options do they have for truly correcting the kid’s inappropriate public outburst for attention?

This scenario was discussed at some length and we all agreed that the parent could remove the kid from the store. It would stop the public disturbance, probably end the tantrum, and the child will learn that mom and dad will do whatever is necessary (including leaving a store) to bring the kid back down to sanity. But will they learn not to do it again? Or will they learn its a good way to get out of shopping?

If you have an opinion about spanking, please share it below. Is it most effective at teaching a lesson? Are kids actually damaged by a light swat on the behind? Let us know your thoughts.

After the initial revulsion and disgust, a simple yet very important question is asked: “how could this have happened?” Sometimes, it happens because no one was paying attention.

Parents immediately want to blame the school. We know its a huge investment of trust and responsibility for someone else to care for our kids. But reality has to be part of it. They can’t monitor every child and every staff member for every second of the day. Did you take the time to look into your school’s policies before leaving them there? If asked now, could you explain the school rules for teachers being alone with students or what happens when a student is missing?

Let’s look at some proactive and important things parents can do to protect their children and help the child protect themselves:

1) BE INVOLVED –  Speak to the teacher(s) and administrators on a regular basis. Stay aware of upcoming events, classroom activities, field trips, and other topics. Don’t hesitate to volunteer. It shows your child as well as the school staff that you are active in your child’s education.

2) TALK TO YOUR KIDS – Ask them how their day at school went. Did they do anything fun? What are their friends up to? How did they do in class? Any homework assigned?  Were their teachers nice? What did they do at recess? How much of their healthy lunch did they trade for chocolate and Doritos? Show your kids you care about their lives and also keep an ear open for any clues about irregular behavior.

3) BOUNDARIES – Teach your child what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors from adults and other children. There are boundaries on their body (and in their mind) that should not be crossed. Talk about body parts, clothing, words, and “games” that should never be played. This is one of those few conversations that is probably more difficult than the “birds and the bees”, but it is necessary and responsible.

4) NOT THEIR FAULT – Many children won’t reveal they have been molested or abused because they are embarrassed about it. Make it absolutely clear that it is never their fault. You will always love and support them and they need to know that. Also remind them they can always go to another adult (“safe people”) for help in an emergency.

5) SAFE PEOPLE – Teach your child who the “safe people” are so they can go to them for help. Police officers, firefighters, teachers, and coaches, are good examples. The next time you are out with your child, ask them to point out who they would go to for help if necessary.

6) FIGHTING BACK – Its wonderful to hear of a child who wasn’t kidnapped because they screamed, kicked, punched, or bit the person trying to harm them. Teach your child that if they feel they are in danger, these behaviors are absolutely okay and they won’t get in trouble.

7) POLICE REPORT – If you suspect something has happened to your child, notify the police immediately. It needs to be documented and your child needs to speak with them so they can describe what happened. You have the right to be present for ALL discussions with your child and you will be a calming force (if you can control your own emotions) for them during this difficult time.

We can’t protect our kids 24 hours a day, no matter how hard we try. But we can take some simple and smart steps to try and help them protect themselves. Being proactive is important. Teach your kids what is necessary and don’t be too cool for school. Get involved and be mindful if you see or hear anything suspicious. You could save your child or someone else’s before its too late.

Fact of the week: According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, there are over 100,000 registered sex offenders in the State of California.

This week brings new changes in the world of social media and they will have a substantial impact on the expectations of privacy that people have in the very near and distant future.

Facebook and Google made important announcements on Tuesday about their platforms and how users will interact with them. Facebook posted on its blog that their new “Timeline” feature will be mandatory for all users over the next few weeks. For those unfamiliar, Timeline reorganizes all of your Facebook data into a timeline of your life. It can categorize and document every moment in your life going all the way back to birth. It combines photos with “Likes” with tagged places and friends. It can show anniversary dates, graduations, and even your bar mitzvah. On the other side of Silicon Valley, Google announced that it will begin tracking its users across all of its properties. If you have a GMail account and log in to check your email, you might want to sign out before moving on to search for something at Google.com or watching a video on YouTube or posting a rant at Blogger. If you don’t, Google will be documenting each search, watch, and post then adding to the super secret file in Mountain View, California with your name on it.

No significant noise is being made about either move. Are either of them truly negative or dangerous? We honestly don’t know yet and perhaps they are just more precursors to an open and honest society. Let’s hope things turn out well. But I believe the effects won’t be fully felt for many years – as our children begin shaping the world around them and choosing their own levels of privacy and interaction. Will they consider privacy a legal right any more? Will they have any expectation of it at all?

Time will tell but I expect privacy will die a slow and mildly bumpy death unless something radical happens. Is privacy a big issue at your house? How do your kids view privacy on the internet? Share your comments below.

“Heya Dads, hope you’re having a fantastic day. Today we want to know: Do you think homework is beneficial or harmful to your childs’ education?”

Ah, surely you jest dear daddy. How can a rational person contemplate the notion that homework is harmful to education? The phrases “practice makes perfect” and “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” seem to be extremely appropriate as a rebuttal.

But for the sake of argument, let’s analyze this hypothesis. In fairness, even we -IE Family magazine- published a cover story about this very topic in August 2008.

The arguments against homework generally fall into two categories: negative emotions and workload. First, children who care about academic performance feel frustrated, anxious, or some other less-than-happy emotion about homework. Secondly, all children feel overwhelmed by the amount of homework assigned each night.

The first attack seems to be the product of some new age utopian goofiness that no one, especially a child, should ever feel unhappy. If you don’t like your job, just quit and search for your dream career. If you don’t like your spouse, get a divorce and find your soul mate. If you don’t like school, your parents can petition for grades to be eliminated. If you don’t like losing at sports, we’ll give everyone trophies and call you a winner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Don’t expect your child to shine if every kid in school is Student of the Month. One of the goals of school attendance is to prepare a child for the real world, both academically and emotionally. Remember those teachers that pushed you to do better? Remember that coach who always asked for one more lap and taught the value of hard work? Sadly, your kids won’t be allowed to know of any of those great role models.

The second attack on homework is about workload. After hearing from many parents over the years about the volume and quantity of homework assigned in schools today, I tend to agree with this argument. Each teacher (with the exception of my awesome wife who is a wonderful teacher to a group of 2nd and 3rd grade students and would never assign too much homework) seems to think they are the only ones who merit completed homework. There is little thought given to the total workload. But to suggest that the solution to this problem is a removal of homework is akin to suggesting the solution to drunk driving is the elimination of cars.

The failure is not in the homework or the students – it is in the adults. Parents seem to be too busy to spend quality time working with their children and teachers are not aware of the cumulative effect of homework overload.

By improving the quality of homework, avoiding the assignment of busy work, and limiting the quantity assigned each day, I think all parents, teachers, administrators, and students will find a very healthy benefit to students continuing their education outside a classroom. It provides repetition, expanded exercises, responsibility, time management, new and critical parental interaction, and diverse educational opportunities.

Fact of the week: According to five different studies between 1987 and 2003, the average homework-doing student had a higher unit test score than 73 percent of students not doing homework.

We know that our role as parents will endure some moments out of our control. Our children grow and make choices that we may not agree with and in some cases we think they are completely wrong and even unsafe. But they aren’t our choices to make. Kids -far more often than we’d like- learn by doing.

As I waited in line to make my purchase, I heard a young man ask the cashier for “a yellow box of Trojans, please”.  The reaction of the woman directly in front of me caught my initial attention as she clearly became uncomfortable standing near someone who dared to request such unmentionable products. (Oh, the horror!) But then I noticed that the boy wasn’t the one paying for the purchase. His dad was standing next to him and paying for the groceries, including the condoms.

There seemed to be no hesitation or uneasiness, just the swipe of a card. The more I thought about this, I tried to imagine the thoughts running through dad’s head:

“I don’t think he should be having sex, but I’m glad he’s being safe.”
“I can fight him on this or help protect him and his partner.”
“Condoms are cheaper than kids.”
“The condom will last 5 minutes, but STDs can last a lifetime.”

Or any number of other rationalizations that made this moment just a bit easier.

My son’s teen years will be a challenge for me, as they are for most parents. I’m so passionate about wanting him to make smart choices and take advantage of good opportunities that it will drive me to the looney bin each time he chooses the wrong path. The hyper-sexualized world he is growing up in won’t make choices about sex or responsibility any easier. I hope he waits for sex until he is truly ready to accept the responsibilities that come with it.

But we don’t always get what we want as parents. Kids learn by doing and as a parent who understands that, I hope that my wife and I have the wisdom to pick our battles and realize our own options when it comes to being there for our son. Should that be us one day in the line of a grocery store, I don’t know if I would purchase those condoms. But if I do, you can bet it would be coming out of his allowance!
(insert laughter here)

Fact of the Week: According to the CDC, around 410,000 teenage girls, ages 15 to 19, gave birth in the United States in 2009. The cost of teen childbearing in the United States was $10.9 billion dollars, according to The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

So as the holidays approached, we tried to be smart. We wanted our son to have an educational toy that would challenge but also entertain. From everything my wife had read, it seemed that the LeapFrog LeapPad Explorer would be great. A wide variety of games utilizing hundreds of skills and educational activities like reading and painting and strategy. We even found out (after the fact) that some were calling it the Toy of the Year!

One set of grandparents purchased the LeapPad while the other set purchased a collection of games. Both sets earned a very happy grandson!

He’s devouring all the new games and challenges and lessons. It has a photo and video camera he’s learning to use. He loves moving the train along the right path to collect the jewels. He loves helping Mater and Lightning McQueen capture the evil bad guys. He loves painting with a variety of colors. And most importantly, he loves showing mommy and daddy what he’s doing and how to play. Its become a wonderful toy for us to share.

If a LeapPad Explorer didn’t arrive under your Christmas tree or get wrapped with a bit of Hanukkah gelt, here’s a quick review of the pros and cons and you can decide if its the right present from a set of grandparents you might know:

PROS:
–Great variety of games
–Sturdy (he’s dropped it 4 times on a tile floor without damage)
–Easy to use for kids and adults
–Fosters artistic creativity
–Encourages independent and critical thinking

CONS:
–Requires batteries! Now would be a great time to invest in Proctor & Gamble (symbol: PG) They own the Duracell brand and my son will make you very wealthy!
–Simple graphics – I expected much higher quality
–Pricey – $100, plus tax
–Comes with a stylus (you know, that thing Palm Pilots had that everyone lost within a week)
–Game price – each new game is another $25

My wife and her family are die-hard Christmas fanatics. For the most part, it has nothing to do with Jesus but a great deal to do with gathering family, having fun together, reconnecting, and putting smiles on the faces of the children. Her mom’s family, specifically, has a great Christmas party every year and it is so unlike the stories I hear from other families about cliques and gossip and drunk aunts and bored kids. Her family actually has a great time together!

As a Jew, Christmas holds no special place in my heart. To further complicate the duality of this season, Hanukkah is one of the least important holidays on the Jewish calendar. It isn’t even mentioned in the Bible because it occurred after the Bible was written. But it is a holiday and carries with it a collection of sacred prayers and traditions.

My son is being raised with both holidays. Two nights ago we lit the first candle in our menorah to begin Hanukkah. The Sunday before that we were with my wife’s family for the annual Christmas party. Shortly after Thanksgiving, my son already knew that “Hanukkah is coming and Christmas is coming” and he reminded me of this quite frequently.

Hanukkah is not the “Jewish Christmas”. It celebrates an event that happened before Jesus was born and has been celebrated far longer. Furthermore, Hanukkah and Christmas don’t conflict with each other and they aren’t “confusing” to kids of blended families. It is quite easy to do both, especially in those years when they don’t overlap (although this year Christmas falls exactly in the middle of Hanukkah).

Like all traditions, children need to learn. My son is at the age where he is beginning to understand the traditions of both holidays. He wore his first yarmulke (pronounced “ya-mi-ka”) this year and can now repeat after me as I say the blessings. He enjoys Christmas lights for the first time this year and likes seeing the different ways houses are decorated. He has no idea what a pine tree is because he thinks all of them are Christmas trees.

We are one house with two holidays and that “happy holidays” greeting really is a nice phrase for us. Whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, or both, remember that this is a time for family togetherness and celebrating ancient events and bringing generations together through old traditions. Be kind to each other, and remember that not every child or family celebrates things the way you might. Variety, like a warm hot cocoa on a cold winter night, is the spice of life.

Fact of the week: According to the US Religious Landscape Survey, 37% of all married families in America include two different faiths!

Over the last few days, I’ve had many conversations regarding social media and the internet in general with people who are, politely speaking, far beyond my age. All of them are old enough to be my parents. Each conversation ended at the same point: a lack of understanding about the new realities coming from the online world. It didn’t matter if we were discussing how Twitter works, the security options on YouTube, or the advertising value of Facebook and Google. I inevitably arrived at the conclusion that the world has changed so quickly that few could be expected to truly understand the ramifications.

As I’ve mentioned previously, the world that will be encountered and certainly shaped by today’s children is amazing to me – and I haven’t even seen it yet. Most of the technologies I just mentioned were invented by people younger than 30! That notion hit me again this evening as I organized my notes for this column and thought back to the 1983 movie “Wargames”. For those unfamiliar (and living under a rock), the plot centered around Mathew Broderick who was a high school computer hacker and unknowingly put the world on the brink of global thermonuclear war. This film dramatically illustrates the fact that it is the youth who push forward and possess so many untapped intellectual fires.

We continue slashing our school budgets, printing historical inaccuracies in our text books, poison growing bodies with chemical hazards like high fructose corn syrup, and lower our standards so that no feels offended, inferior, or “left behind”. If the children are our future, why do we continue to limit their options and push their potential out of reach? Far more rare will be the child who is challenged or has the opportunity to realize a dream.

The only way for future generations to continue reaching for the stars and sailing towards those distant horizons is for us – the adults – to give kids the necessary tools to do incredible things. I am perfectly comfortable with a brave, intelligent, and responsibly empowered youth making bold new discoveries. But why should I expect that when all we do is ask them to prepare for a test instead of learning for their own betterment?

We know the children are the future because no one lives for ever. We must prepare our children for amazing new ideas so that they can grow advance and make an even better future for their children. Sure, they may hack a computer and play a few games with the military; but are they doing it because they are malicious or because we failed to give them a better outlet for their exploration?

Make sure you take the time to foster the curiosity in your kids and tell them they can make the world a better place. Even if they have to do it alone, I hope someone’s son or daughter will have the courage to forge on because they’re doing something good.

Fact of the week: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart began composing at the age of five and Ludwig von Beethoven had his first public performance at the age of seven.

But for some strange reason, my wife decided to get our son a new bath toy – Crayola bath gel pens. They look like large crayons and have colored gel inside that also doubles as a soap. Clever concept.

They’re also pretty fun…for about 90 seconds. You see, the bath gel squirts from the tip of the crayon in whatever bright and vibrant color pen you happen to be holding. Despite its beautiful presentation and the legendary Crayola brand, the laws of physics still apply – the gel is not infinite. It empties amazingly quickly which leaves your emotionally unbalanced toddler begging for another crayon. If you’re the type of parent who caves to every whine, you will blow through the entire packet of crayons (3 or 5 depending on the package) in about 90 seconds.

In this case, you can literally watch your hard earned money wash down the drain. Sure your child might get an arm or a leg washed as they play with the new colors on their body, but nothing substantial will actually be accomplished. I’ve got to wonder who tested this for Crayola and said, “Oh, that’s a great product!”

Don’t waste your money.
Crayola: I love the beauty and art you have brought to generations around the world, but this is one product you should have never made.

Fact of the week: Humans can only perceive a small amount of the color which exists throughout the color spectrum. Bees can see into the ultraviolet spectrum which is how they find nectar in flowers. Some birds can also see into the ultraviolet spectrum and actually have ultraviolet markings on their bodies which are used to differentiate male from female!