02/22/2012 4:00 am
In many modern Asian cultures, the struggle for constant perfection is unending and unyielding. Weakness is barely tolerated and children are driven to achieve at the expense of nearly all else. The Western world was shown this with last year’s controversy surrounding “Tiger Mom” Amy Chua and her impossibly high education standards combined with an insanely low tolerance for children.
Fast forward one year and now we have “Eagle Dad”.
According to his father, the boy was born with health problems and he wants to toughen his son to achieve. While visiting New York City during the Chinese New Year, he and his wife forced their son to run in the freezing weather in the outfit you see above. They repeatedly tell him to lie down in the snow as he cries and begs to be picked up.
The video can be difficult to watch as you witness a helpless child suffering.
I understand the father’s drive, but find great fault in his method. Most families in China are limited to one child and they are very concerned with the child’s development and success. Unfortunately he seems to have ignored the idea that balance should be achieved between climbing a mountain and jumping off its cliffs.
Where do you think he went wrong? Do you think he and his wife are doing the right thing to prepare their son for a challenging world? Share your thoughts below.
02/08/2012 4:00 am
Oh, that darned TIME magazine. Always stirring up trouble. I happen to know a guy (“A”) who believes spanking is okay. I happen to know another guy (“B”) who thinks spanking is not okay. I’m one of those guys.
Recently, B mentioned to A that TIME magazine just published an article titled, “Why Spanking Doesn’t Work“. Knowing full well the other guy was okay with spanking, he was fairly confident this would provoke a reaction. It did.
“Well, I know it does work,” replied A.
This quickly spiraled downward into a debate about the legal and emotional issues of physical violence and what lessons it may actually teach a child. But those issues are discussed ad nauseum in any conversation about spanking. The part I enjoyed most was the exploration of parental failure. Was the spanking of a child more symbolic of parental failure or a disciplinary measure to correct the behavior of a child?
A third guy, “C”, joined the conversation and said that some kids “just need to be spanked”. “They are out of control – like when a kid is screaming in a store,” C said. It was at this point the issue of parental failure was raised. Could the parent do something to stop the situation other than hit their child? No parent in the world can stop a child from crying for their entire life so let’s forget that whole idea. But how many options do they have for truly correcting the kid’s inappropriate public outburst for attention?
This scenario was discussed at some length and we all agreed that the parent could remove the kid from the store. It would stop the public disturbance, probably end the tantrum, and the child will learn that mom and dad will do whatever is necessary (including leaving a store) to bring the kid back down to sanity. But will they learn not to do it again? Or will they learn its a good way to get out of shopping?
If you have an opinion about spanking, please share it below. Is it most effective at teaching a lesson? Are kids actually damaged by a light swat on the behind? Let us know your thoughts.
02/01/2012 4:00 am
We’re hearing some truly horrific and terrible stories in the last few weeks coming out of our state’s schools. Former teacher Mark Brendt has been arrested and charged with lewd acts committed on 23 children. The Sandusky trial spills new details on a regular basis. Another former teacher, Neng Yang -like Brendt- was arrested after evidence of his molesting a 7-year-old student was discovered. Sadly, these are not the only ones reported lately.
After the initial revulsion and disgust, a simple yet very important question is asked: “how could this have happened?” Sometimes, it happens because no one was paying attention.
Parents immediately want to blame the school. We know its a huge investment of trust and responsibility for someone else to care for our kids. But reality has to be part of it. They can’t monitor every child and every staff member for every second of the day. Did you take the time to look into your school’s policies before leaving them there? If asked now, could you explain the school rules for teachers being alone with students or what happens when a student is missing?
Let’s look at some proactive and important things parents can do to protect their children and help the child protect themselves:
1) BE INVOLVED – Speak to the teacher(s) and administrators on a regular basis. Stay aware of upcoming events, classroom activities, field trips, and other topics. Don’t hesitate to volunteer. It shows your child as well as the school staff that you are active in your child’s education.
2) TALK TO YOUR KIDS – Ask them how their day at school went. Did they do anything fun? What are their friends up to? How did they do in class? Any homework assigned? Were their teachers nice? What did they do at recess? How much of their healthy lunch did they trade for chocolate and Doritos? Show your kids you care about their lives and also keep an ear open for any clues about irregular behavior.
3) BOUNDARIES – Teach your child what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors from adults and other children. There are boundaries on their body (and in their mind) that should not be crossed. Talk about body parts, clothing, words, and “games” that should never be played. This is one of those few conversations that is probably more difficult than the “birds and the bees”, but it is necessary and responsible.
4) NOT THEIR FAULT – Many children won’t reveal they have been molested or abused because they are embarrassed about it. Make it absolutely clear that it is never their fault. You will always love and support them and they need to know that. Also remind them they can always go to another adult (“safe people”) for help in an emergency.
5) SAFE PEOPLE – Teach your child who the “safe people” are so they can go to them for help. Police officers, firefighters, teachers, and coaches, are good examples. The next time you are out with your child, ask them to point out who they would go to for help if necessary.
6) FIGHTING BACK – Its wonderful to hear of a child who wasn’t kidnapped because they screamed, kicked, punched, or bit the person trying to harm them. Teach your child that if they feel they are in danger, these behaviors are absolutely okay and they won’t get in trouble.
7) POLICE REPORT – If you suspect something has happened to your child, notify the police immediately. It needs to be documented and your child needs to speak with them so they can describe what happened. You have the right to be present for ALL discussions with your child and you will be a calming force (if you can control your own emotions) for them during this difficult time.
We can’t protect our kids 24 hours a day, no matter how hard we try. But we can take some simple and smart steps to try and help them protect themselves. Being proactive is important. Teach your kids what is necessary and don’t be too cool for school. Get involved and be mindful if you see or hear anything suspicious. You could save your child or someone else’s before its too late.
Fact of the week: According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, there are over 100,000 registered sex offenders in the State of California.
01/25/2012 4:00 am
Okay, they can close the door when they pee. But few other instances demand a child have absolute privacy from their parents. Its our job to observe, guide, and lead them on the path to being a mature adult. Right?
This week brings new changes in the world of social media and they will have a substantial impact on the expectations of privacy that people have in the very near and distant future.
Facebook and Google made important announcements on Tuesday about their platforms and how users will interact with them. Facebook posted on its blog that their new “Timeline” feature will be mandatory for all users over the next few weeks. For those unfamiliar, Timeline reorganizes all of your Facebook data into a timeline of your life. It can categorize and document every moment in your life going all the way back to birth. It combines photos with “Likes” with tagged places and friends. It can show anniversary dates, graduations, and even your bar mitzvah. On the other side of Silicon Valley, Google announced that it will begin tracking its users across all of its properties. If you have a GMail account and log in to check your email, you might want to sign out before moving on to search for something at Google.com or watching a video on YouTube or posting a rant at Blogger. If you don’t, Google will be documenting each search, watch, and post then adding to the super secret file in Mountain View, California with your name on it.
No significant noise is being made about either move. Are either of them truly negative or dangerous? We honestly don’t know yet and perhaps they are just more precursors to an open and honest society. Let’s hope things turn out well. But I believe the effects won’t be fully felt for many years – as our children begin shaping the world around them and choosing their own levels of privacy and interaction. Will they consider privacy a legal right any more? Will they have any expectation of it at all?
Time will tell but I expect privacy will die a slow and mildly bumpy death unless something radical happens. Is privacy a big issue at your house? How do your kids view privacy on the internet? Share your comments below.
01/18/2012 9:49 pm
I follow a Facebook Page called “Being a dad” which regularly posts questions about parenting. A couple weeks ago, a question was posed about homework that left me dumbstruck, followed by frustrated.
“Heya Dads, hope you’re having a fantastic day. Today we want to know: Do you think homework is beneficial or harmful to your childs’ education?”
Ah, surely you jest dear daddy. How can a rational person contemplate the notion that homework is harmful to education? The phrases “practice makes perfect” and “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” seem to be extremely appropriate as a rebuttal.
But for the sake of argument, let’s analyze this hypothesis. In fairness, even we -IE Family magazine- published a cover story about this very topic in August 2008.
The arguments against homework generally fall into two categories: negative emotions and workload. First, children who care about academic performance feel frustrated, anxious, or some other less-than-happy emotion about homework. Secondly, all children feel overwhelmed by the amount of homework assigned each night.
The first attack seems to be the product of some new age utopian goofiness that no one, especially a child, should ever feel unhappy. If you don’t like your job, just quit and search for your dream career. If you don’t like your spouse, get a divorce and find your soul mate. If you don’t like school, your parents can petition for grades to be eliminated. If you don’t like losing at sports, we’ll give everyone trophies and call you a winner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Don’t expect your child to shine if every kid in school is Student of the Month. One of the goals of school attendance is to prepare a child for the real world, both academically and emotionally. Remember those teachers that pushed you to do better? Remember that coach who always asked for one more lap and taught the value of hard work? Sadly, your kids won’t be allowed to know of any of those great role models.
The second attack on homework is about workload. After hearing from many parents over the years about the volume and quantity of homework assigned in schools today, I tend to agree with this argument. Each teacher (with the exception of my awesome wife who is a wonderful teacher to a group of 2nd and 3rd grade students and would never assign too much homework) seems to think they are the only ones who merit completed homework. There is little thought given to the total workload. But to suggest that the solution to this problem is a removal of homework is akin to suggesting the solution to drunk driving is the elimination of cars.
The failure is not in the homework or the students – it is in the adults. Parents seem to be too busy to spend quality time working with their children and teachers are not aware of the cumulative effect of homework overload.
By improving the quality of homework, avoiding the assignment of busy work, and limiting the quantity assigned each day, I think all parents, teachers, administrators, and students will find a very healthy benefit to students continuing their education outside a classroom. It provides repetition, expanded exercises, responsibility, time management, new and critical parental interaction, and diverse educational opportunities.
Fact of the week: According to five different studies between 1987 and 2003, the average homework-doing student had a higher unit test score than 73 percent of students not doing homework.
